Aligned and Fine

My life is controversal to some and I don’t mind. The thing is, I haven’t done anything worthy of controversy- yet. As a quiet girl, who kept to herself, read books and let everyone have their way, I was waiting for the day I would be free to breathe and make my own choices. As this day came, I was completely lost. With this freedom, I was doing things and behaving in ways that didn’t feel right. This is because I knew nothing, absolutely nothing. Left to my own devices as a child and young adult, I needed to get by. So my problem solving skills told me to keep quiet and not cause trouble and no one will hurt you. They still did, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. The people who surrounded me my entire life became sharp and unwilling to accept this new piece of me coming to life. It was messy, bold and ambitious- going against everything I have ever known. I would fail, have mental breakdowns, emotional breakdowns and have an anger that only a church in Virginia could speak me out of. I always thought this meant I was failing, but now I realize it was just life re-alligning me after years of floating in the abyss. It was painful. Like mending broken bones. But I always knew deep inside of me I was meant to do something greater than myself and what I had been taught was possible for me. Tonight, in my apartment I can hear cars driving by in the distance, I’m painting, singing and smiling. All of the pieces of myself feel like their finally put back together again and as long as I’m aligned, I’ll be fine.

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