I love what the moon is doing tonight. Brightly, it shines giving the entire sky a deep cobalt blue color. Stars shine brightly between the skeleton branches of the trees and I am distracted from my cold/allergies through my apartment window. I love these views. I have been around them my whole life. But now I am ready for a change. Part of why I love the outdoors so much is because I feel communicative with a force greater then myself. However I think I have over-absorbed this method of connecting to who I call God and am ready for a higher version of being divinely inspired- which is involving myself in other people’s lives. I have been a little but of a hermit these past couple years. I worked- a lot yet still had trouble wrapping my head around money management (if this is you, do not be embarrassed! You can’t be good at everything and there are professionals ready to help make your life 10000x easier.) and I swam in the sea- a lot. Like if someone could be in the ocean more than reasonably, that’s me 100%. I was always afraid I wasn’t being grateful enough for this beautiful little seaside town. Now I understand I am more than grateful- but there was something missing. This past summer was cathartic to say the least. I worked through a lot of stuff I had been holding inside, left a church I had gone to my whole life and started branching out. This past summer was the first time I felt like a person because I was going after what I believed in and that hopefully will benefit millions of people one day. Especially women. But men too. I look back and think how much I was struggling but it was also beautiful at the same time. It also kinda makes me sad no one will ever see that moment in my life up close. But isolation has to end sooner or later. I knew I needed time to myself because I grew up around tons of people all the time and they always had something to say about something. I never thought for myself, I let other people do it for me. My gut was pulling me away from somethings and people and I had to listen. I realized I was branded from a young age. Here’s the thing about being beautiful, which I am, that’s not cocky to say, it’s the truth- people expect things from you. They place you into a box and thats it. If you are beautiful people might instantly like you- even jealous people because you’re attractive to their eyes. However, if you do not partake in the way they think you should be, people get rubbed the wrong way. For instance, I was never “the mean girl”, “popular” or “boy crazy”. I was, and still am the weird girl and there is so much freedom in that, except if your pretty because people think if you’re pretty you’re suppose to be normal, on top of the world, mean and have lots of relationships. Once they figure out you’re your own breed, things get awkward. Oh and the jealousy of being beautiful and being “pure” in the sense that you are true to yourself and values is f*cking torture. So many people spread rumors my entire life trying to knock me down. I kind of got the hint I needed to fly solo if I wanted peace but as I get older, and I have more choices in who I spend my time with, I realize not everyone is shallow and jealous, thank God. I honestly feel bad for people who hate me because 10 times out of 10, I have thought about how great they are. Anyways, I realized I am more inspired by people than outdoors, although I do love outdoors so much. Which makes sense because God lives in us more brightly than he does the earth. I have respect for all cultures, religions, and faiths and I just hope my life can reflect that, and as my isolation officially ends, I hope I meet thousands of people on my journey. This was a very random blog post, but I hope you enjoyed it.