I have tried to bend every way I could. I can’t keep this fire from coming. Flames blaze towards my way and I try to quench them with my tears. This will destroy everything I have ever known, everything and everyone I love and all I can do is watch. I try to warn them. I scream so loud my face sweats. None of them can hear me. I get more and more hysterical trying to warn them but they don’t hear. I will burn in flames, chained to my post like a witch on trial.
I have known for some time now it is time to leave home. My heart told me exactly where to go and I resisted. I wanted to be here with the ones I love but the longer I stay, the further they drift from me. I feel like we are oceans away from each other standing in the same room.
So maybe it is time to sail the oceans, to let it burn, to let it go, and watch whatever rises from the depths of my soul come forward the way it has been trying to.
I take mental pictures of all of them. Trying to memorize every facial expression, their laughs, what they like to say. I could not bare the thought of forgetting them, even when it feels like they have forgotten me.
I know I stand at a cross roads and I have a decision to make. I can leave home and pursue my dream independently, see what I can do, or I can stay and be what they think I am. Both feel like daggers in my chest. I have cried so many times in the past year, I don’t want to anymore. I want to think and decide what will I do because I can’t take this bullshit anymore.
Deep down I know I will only be able to go on with one of my choices. New York, you glorious liberated angel, I’m coming for you.