As I sit in my room, surrounded by my things, and surrounded with nothing but my thoughts and memories, my life calculates itself to bring forth a new image. This new image, is of myself. I’m in a life I never thought of, and because I never thought of it, I never believed in it, so I could not have it, because as human beings our steps are taken in our minds first before they hit the ground. With the world silenced, and me forced to face myself, every piece of myself in this solitude, I found that I had been overlooking a great opportunity. To do better. To do better than anything I had ever known before. To be better. To realize what was within me was always beautiful and always correct and living with that part of me shining through was better than hiding it. I stepped over the line, like the valley that separates one half of the book from the other, and went to the new pieces of my life, rising up through words. When I got a taste of this future, it was so easy to let go of my past, even the good parts. I knew greater was coming.
His eyes reminded me of Iceland, an ice blue like the sky touching the white mountain tops. This cold new morning was so different from what I was used to. Meeting him was like my first trip over seas into a new land where nothing looked the same and nothing was. We came into touch the moment it was made for me to take a leap of faith. As if it was planned. As if everything was lining up perfectly. As my poetry grew and night was ending, all the dark things from all the vampires of my past came into view. Painful to look at first, but slowly the pieces fit together and as I turned my cheek the other way, to see what this new land had to show, my hair strung across my face in the wind but I could see perfectly clear a new way ahead of me.
Feminism is a popular subject in todays culture, but its definition seems elusive to many. I think it has to be something we each define for ourselves, and my definition for myself, is my favorite. I think men and women each have a unique spirit that thrives beneath the skin that separates us from each other. It is deeper than than our bodies that separates the genders. I think somewhere around kindergarten to fifth grade, children begin to form ideas about what it means to be a man or a woman, and this is where ignorance begins, an ignorance not everyone will grow out of. Some will see girls as “weaker” so they will begin to disrespect, and disregard them as people because in a way they will believe on some level they are better. Men and women are equals, but our strengths and our gifts that we have to offer the world are different. To say, I’m bigger than you, I’m better than you, is so childish but it is a childish thought that stays with some. Most men will never take a step away from themselves to try to understand what a woman truly is. Yes, women can be sexual partners, and yes, they can have children, but that is just the tip of the iceberg of what it means to be a woman. Like I said, being a man or woman begins more so in the spirit than it does the body. A woman’s force and presence in the world is valuable and good. Women have always been and will continue to be resilient, strong, kind, compassionate, soft, and intelligent. Not to mention, creative. Physically, women bring life into this world but I believe they also bring a unique force of creativity in everything they do. I have never seen women as lesser than, and I never will.
Sirens didn’t always kills, they used to be quite peaceful. They knew the wonders of the sea below, and thought of it as their duty to share it with the ones above. Those who sailed boats had legs and lungs which prevented them from reaching the depths the ocean reached. So sirens sought to share true beauty with them in a gentle kindness. However, the men’s hearts that sailed the seas became dark with greed and envy. Not only did they want to profit from this beauty, they did not want to feel inferior to it. It was a deadly mix that brought them close to the sirens. They came with words of goodness but only brought harm. Sirens were mounted onto the front of ships, some were torn apart for their scales. None were safe. The outrage from the sirens was to much for men to bare. Their wrath was unexpected and more powerful than any weapon they could fashion. Every man was condemned to die for the harm they caused as well as the unnatural perverse interest and intent they had towards the sirens gifts.
One day, a young siren was making her way to the surface. She had never killed before, but the possibility never troubled her. However, she couldn’t help but feel all their attention was on hating the sailors and not on the wonders they were given to protect and share. That maybe they were becoming misguided. Curiosity became her and when she saw a man walking along the shore alone she swam closer.
In the shoreline, she swam still in the ebb and flow of the waves. When he saw her, he was struck and stood still. She called him closer and he walked into the water. He did not know she was a siren but was lured in by her beauty and the sound of her voice. She playfully tossed the water about in her hands as she spoke to him. She asked him if he believed in the stories of sirens, and he said yes, and began to speak in a way that made her whole body fuel with rage. He spoke carelessly about the harm that was caused and then ignorantly about their purpose. Her eyes stung at her first experience up close to this dark illusion of men’s souls. Well, some men’s souls. She turned her eyes away as water filled them before turning back and grabbing his throat.
“Please don’t kill me.” He said.
“You’re already dead.” She said.
Then he stared at her with fear driven eyes and she knew there was no light in them. The ocean glimmered in the sunlight and she felt that same light in herself. Then, for a moment, she pitied the man she held by the throat. That he would never know true beauty or the light of life. He would be wandering around this world aimlessly from pleasure to pleasure becoming a slave to it with no real joy. He could eat the juiciest of fruits and it would turn to ash in his mouth. There was no life in him. Then she gently let him down and took her hands off his throat where bruises were forming.
“Never come back here.” She said to him.
Clumsily he ran away and she dived back into the sea. Eager to speak to her fellow Sirens she swam to them quickly. As she spoke with her silver tongue they all agreed. From now on, they would live out of the joy they had for the life they were given and not out of hatred for their oppressors.
I loved a man as callous as can be, he pushed me away with every touch and there was no room for us to be. I was so close to walking away when I took a second look. I saw his horns were falling, and as I touched them, I felt my halo slip. His horns were just a headband, he was pretending to be something he wasn’t to keep love at bay. I took it off his head and my halo did the same, because I was just pretending to be something I wasn’t in a different way. We’re just two people afraid of love. But in the unforgiving light of reality I am no longer afraid, and a new and more golden light shines through both our chests and I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
I was sitting on my back porch this morning, thinking of everything I wanted to do, and how scary it would be to walk into that unknown space. I assured myself fear will always fade, and after the action, I would always be left with the reality of knowing I did what I always wanted to do, like a gem. It can never be taken away or destroyed, it happened, I did it, and it stays forever. However, that is not what resonated with me deeply. It was when I relaxed my mind, and the thought came through unforced that I have already defeated fear, because fear is nothing and I am something, so in a way I have already beat it. Fear is only false evidence appearing real, but it is not. I am real. My choices, the things I believe in, what I value and how I move are all real things and I would never want to bow down to something that not only does not exist but does not matter. Another thing, I believe it makes God really happy to watch people live out of faith and not fear. With courage and resilience, not easily moved. I think when angels have time off, they gather in the clouds with popcorn and the people they love to watch the most are those who live fearlessly.
Stargazing was the best here, the ocean held no lights to distract from the stars above and the docks were still warm from the summer day. Luna trespassed on private property to get her daily does of her favorite view. She laid back and watched the world fade away as she disappeared into the sky. Until a voice came from behind the shadows.
“What are you doing here?” He asked. He was beautiful and blonde with proper clothing for a young man living in a sea side mansion.
“I was star gazing, do you ever do this?” She asked turning away from him and back to the sky, unbothered by his presence.
“You’re trespassing.” He said.
“You’re right.” She said calmly agreeing with him and then turning her attention back to the sky.
He was confused, but as he looked at her face, he realized this young woman was beautiful.
“Why are you still sitting there?” He asked.
“Because you have the best view.” She said.
“But it is my view.” He said.
“You’re not even using it.” She said, adamant about staying. “You’re welcome to join me but I have another hour until I feel I’ve spent enough time looking at the stars.”
He looked confused then back to his lonely mansion and then decided to lay next to the girl in the Walmart sundress looking at the moon.
“Do you do this every night?” He asked curious about his security system.
“Not every night. But most nights. Do you know the constellations?” She asked. “Because I can show them to you. You have so much beauty in your backyard and you don’t even know anything about it.”
“Show me.” He said slowly becoming more interested.
Luna sat up, her hair falling to the grass as she looked above and pointed at the sky. “That’s the big dipper, that ones my favorite. I look for it wherever I go. I feel like it was Gods gift to me, is that weird?”
“I don’t believe in God.” He said.
“You don’t?” She said with a energetic grin. “Why’s that?” She said not offended in the slightest.
“Because I don’t have any proof.” He said. “And to me that’s not how faith works.”
“The greatest things that ever happened never had any proof that they would happen.” Luna started. “And to me all of those moments are purely God, so wouldn’t that be the proof you needed?” She asked smiling towards the sky.
He sat silently as her words processed to him. “I guess your right.” He said turning to her but all of the sudden she was gone. The moon gleamed brighter than before, and for a moment, he swore he saw a woman’s silhouette etched out on the moon.