I was sitting on my back porch this morning, thinking of everything I wanted to do, and how scary it would be to walk into that unknown space. I assured myself fear will always fade, and after the action, I would always be left with the reality of knowing I did what I always wanted to do, like a gem. It can never be taken away or destroyed, it happened, I did it, and it stays forever. However, that is not what resonated with me deeply. It was when I relaxed my mind, and the thought came through unforced that I have already defeated fear, because fear is nothing and I am something, so in a way I have already beat it. Fear is only false evidence appearing real, but it is not. I am real. My choices, the things I believe in, what I value and how I move are all real things and I would never want to bow down to something that not only does not exist but does not matter. Another thing, I believe it makes God really happy to watch people live out of faith and not fear. With courage and resilience, not easily moved. I think when angels have time off, they gather in the clouds with popcorn and the people they love to watch the most are those who live fearlessly.
Stargazing was the best here, the ocean held no lights to distract from the stars above and the docks were still warm from the summer day. Luna trespassed on private property to get her daily does of her favorite view. She laid back and watched the world fade away as she disappeared into the sky. Until a voice came from behind the shadows.
“What are you doing here?” He asked. He was beautiful and blonde with proper clothing for a young man living in a sea side mansion.
“I was star gazing, do you ever do this?” She asked turning away from him and back to the sky, unbothered by his presence.
“You’re trespassing.” He said.
“You’re right.” She said calmly agreeing with him and then turning her attention back to the sky.
He was confused, but as he looked at her face, he realized this young woman was beautiful.
“Why are you still sitting there?” He asked.
“Because you have the best view.” She said.
“But it is my view.” He said.
“You’re not even using it.” She said, adamant about staying. “You’re welcome to join me but I have another hour until I feel I’ve spent enough time looking at the stars.”
He looked confused then back to his lonely mansion and then decided to lay next to the girl in the Walmart sundress looking at the moon.
“Do you do this every night?” He asked curious about his security system.
“Not every night. But most nights. Do you know the constellations?” She asked. “Because I can show them to you. You have so much beauty in your backyard and you don’t even know anything about it.”
“Show me.” He said slowly becoming more interested.
Luna sat up, her hair falling to the grass as she looked above and pointed at the sky. “That’s the big dipper, that ones my favorite. I look for it wherever I go. I feel like it was Gods gift to me, is that weird?”
“I don’t believe in God.” He said.
“You don’t?” She said with a energetic grin. “Why’s that?” She said not offended in the slightest.
“Because I don’t have any proof.” He said. “And to me that’s not how faith works.”
“The greatest things that ever happened never had any proof that they would happen.” Luna started. “And to me all of those moments are purely God, so wouldn’t that be the proof you needed?” She asked smiling towards the sky.
He sat silently as her words processed to him. “I guess your right.” He said turning to her but all of the sudden she was gone. The moon gleamed brighter than before, and for a moment, he swore he saw a woman’s silhouette etched out on the moon.
I left the ocean behind, but I found another in your arms. Once I swam and felt the sea rush against my skin, now I feel it in my veins. My breathing is deep with the taste of salt on my lips, and I feel at home in this moment that feels like everything I have ever wanted. I was waiting for the pressure to come, to feel the crushing tide of being in these waves but they never came. I felt so relaxed, so relieved in your arms as if we were in the middle of a freezing sea, as warm and as safe as can be. My love is like an ocean, and it is impossible to drown. You’ll walk on these waters and swim just for fun because when you’re with me, my love sets you free.
Dark clouds whisper, the thing I always feared. A dark sky, clouds pushing down the pressure in the atmosphere. Usually I step back into the house when this comes but I never get to do the things I want in there. This is the work I needed to do on the outside, this is the catalyst my whole life as built up to. As it starts to rain, I wonder, when did I begin to fear water and darkness? Why did I let it stop me? I was taught how to walk on water, and I was given a bright beating heart, so what am I so afraid of? If I only looked closer I would see there is so much more that I am capable of overcoming. As everything comes my way, the wind swirls and I remember something about her, that we share the same name and she obeys my voice. So gentle I speak and settle the storm so I can freely walk into the unknown.
The prismatic heart stands in it’s own orbit, but the sun hadn’t touched it yet. In the cold it sat waiting for years to see the light, it almost forgot it existed. So it sat, wondering what it was, and why it looked as though it was empty but always felt fulfilled. And when the planets shifted, and the sun chose to shine in a new direction, the prism was the first to see the light and the world watched as a million different colors showered them in a love so bright and so bold, it could never be denied nor forgotten.
The breathes I breathe are jagged and I try to form a deep breath. Pine needles that fall slowly stick to my sweaty skin as I make my way up the forrest. Through the trees, I can see an orange glow and I walk slowly to see the sunset. I wrestled with my impatience of not being at the top yet when the wind caught my attention and made a swirling display of the desert below. I had become so hungry to reach the top, I forgot where I came from and almost missed the beauty of where I was. Time stood still, I settled onto a rock dusted with pine needles and shared a loving glance with the sun as she told me to rest. Tomorrow I may reach the top, maybe I won’t, but I love this mountain and every moment is a treasure.
My clothes are black today, as a war fills my brain. Enough ammunition that fell out of the mouth of another, fills my mind. I didn’t want this, but nevertheless I picked it up until I realized I can put it down. As I lay the weapons down, I realize I am left amongst ashes and coal. I am just a large piece of coal. Then a weary disappointment sets in, a pressure of pain that I could not escape because the truth had been revealed and I couldn’t look away. As I sat in silence and decided to make a change, a diamond as pure and crystalline as daylight made her way through, just waiting for me to make the right choice. Now my mind is calm and I have peace and all the ammunition in the world could only but fall at my feet.