Trust Your Lonely

Never do anything out of loneliness to cure your loneliness. Instead embrace it, let yourself fill to the top with the feeling of being completely and utterly alone. Then, get very familiar with yourself. Figure out what you do and do not like. Most importantly find out what you like to do and what you like to create. Learn about these things and make them a priority to be worked on. Then, in the magical lonely hours, with no distraction from another living soul, create that something. Create the something you daydream about. Create what you wish you could tell your family “look, look this what i did”. That thing you would love to do so much but at the same time fills you with fear that makes your vision seem unattainable. Loneliness is not a curse or a reflection of you, it is a God- given opportunity to have a vision and run after it. To give you valuable time and space away from family, friends and relationships that you need to focus.

Sometimes when were lonely we try to cure it. We jump on our phones and text away, making plans, talking to friends and so on. Maybe some go on social media but I’m warning you do not go on social media when you are lonely, it will make it worse. There was a time once I was so lonely and i had been single for a while that i just wanted somebody with me. There was this really cute boy who id always running into all over town and we would flirt a little but not much ever happened. Three hours would go by and i would forget i even saw him that day because he was cute, but not the one. It wouldn’t work out anyways because we had completely different beliefs and wanted two separate things out of life. But as i sat in my living room at 9 o clock at night alone I thought to myself “maybe ill message him to talk” that would be fun, right?

Then the voice inside me started talking. You know that would start something you don’t want, you don’t really like him that much, you’re just bored and doing this out of loneliness isn’t how you want your story to begin with someone. Is sat and thought about it. You’re right. No matter what happened i would always know that i was never really into the guy just bored and lonely and decided to give him a chance to distract me from the loneliness.

Then i got up pulled open my laptop and began writing, it came slowly at first, then all of the sudden, i was typing away one short story after the next. I worked on my vocal range and began to paint. Over the next couple days i became extremely involved with, running, singing, writing, traveling, stargazing and so much more. Then over the next couple weeks i started to vibe with other people like me and those who had admired what i was doing with my life. So maybe lonely is a time we all need to go through to know who we are, what we like and what we do. So when its times for you to meet that person you’re story wont start off “well i was really bored one night in my living room so i messaged him on Facebook….” but instead “i was at the overlook taking pictures of the sunset and writing in my notebook at the same time and this man was doing the same thing next to me and we bumped into each other and got to talking…” and you both will have so much to talk about because you became a complete person on you’re own with likes, dislikes and most importantly, a vision. A vision of what you want to become, a vision of what you want to do, a vision of what you want to accomplish, a creative vision of what you want to create and give back to everyone. Only then will you honestly meet someone you can honestly be with in a serious committed relationship that is true, that is honest and that is genuine.

Siren

I always wanted legs, I never knew that meant leaving the ocean. A war of my past and my future collide and I have to decide. You can’t have fins and legs forever. I am either human or not. A word to the living from the depths of my soul echo out in shining sparkles on the tops of the blue waters. It is a word not used often but my heart beats it now. From behind the rocks, I watch as people marvel at the water and say how pretty it is. I see a young couple in love, and he’s handsome. She’s gorgeous. They look so happy together playing in the water my words have made. Seeing, is good but feeling is greater. The truth is I never wanted to destroy these things the way I am designed to. I want to be a part of it. I have seen all the wonders of the deepest oceans and nothing compares to the way these two are looking at each other. Something I have always wanted. A siren is allowed to become human by walking onto land, but once you do, you can’t go back. You forfeit your home land, your community and everything you love about what you see around you to maybe experience love. Behind the rocks, I watch them and my beating heart and stinging eyes tell me I want this, I always will. My tail is glistening in the sun, and even my scales are cheering me on. Miles away, I see the wreckage I came from and I know it’s time to leave. I lift my arm to grab onto a rock and pull myself up. I feel the sun on my stomach. My tail is warm. I lift myself up higher and pull myself over to the sand. Where the sand meets the sun is where I become human. Like magic my tail separates and I am given legs and I fall onto my face. Never have I been so happy, pulling up my new feet, knees, and thighs, I jump and fall so happy to be human. From out of my curls I look out to see a voice speaking to me. It is a man and he is offering me a towel, because I’m naked on the beach

An Egyptian Witch

Greatness comes at a price my father told me. I never knew how willing I would be to pay even though it hurt me the most. Like, right now. Right now it hurts the most. I grew up in Egypt with all the other children. I became a part of so many lives here, and now I have to leave. I live on the outskirt of Egypt, the land I am from, that I am traveling back to. You see, my powers are getting to strong and people are starting to notice. They don’t like the way I’m dressing now a days. Or who I am speaking with. They say my magic is dark, but I know that it is light.

I learn what I can here, but my real teachers are in Egypt. They’ve offered to teach me anything I want. They’re is so much I want to do. The part that makes me sad, is how much I wanted to use this magic to help this town. To give them a good harvest and safe keeping from dark spirits.

I did this for them, but maybe it’s time to do it for me, and see what I can do.

There is nothing left for me here and I am tired of being empty handed. So I travel to the land that made promises to me and hope with all my heart, one day you’ll see.

In the Depths of the Forrest

I never wanted to be in the depths of the forrest in the middle of the night, but maybe it wanted me. The earth plays drums over softly, I listen. I don’t fear the forrest, I let my mind be christened. Above the pine needles, the stars come out, the drums get louder and I see no paths. So here I stand, observing. Taking in all my senses of the forrest and learning what it has to tell me.

Walking into Daylight

There is nothing to be afraid of. I know you think there is something wrong with you, or that you don’t measure up but that could never be true. Who told you life was about perfection or even being good?

Did you chose the hairs on your head? Did you form your eyes? You were made with intention. You were made with purpose.

You don’t have to be anything, you just have to be here.

This is the kind of attitude we see in very young children, who without a thought love their parents no matter who they are.

If you walk into the sun, you won’t turn to ashes.

No one has a good enough reason to hate you.

No failure is justified in you giving up the power to not rise up again.

You are gold.

Walk into the sun.

Shine.

In The Trenches

When darkness falls, and retrograde sets in, in the mire of your mind it has to be you who wins. Doubt can appear as if it was an all knowing lawyers, making a detail case against you. I have always been one to worry, even about the most unrealistic things. In my younger years, I spilt myself in two and reassured myself, anything you worry about won’t come true. I thought this because if I thought of it first, life couldn’t do it, it would have to think of something else.

So here I am, a few more hours to morning, in the dark trenches. Fire explodes from cannons and gun. These are the final moments, before a victory or defeat when you wonder if the war was worth it. Did you do the right thing? Everything you faced with confidence, are you still confident? Are you still proud? And was it pride that led you here? Or was it really your calling? Will peace follow or is this a product of an unfulfilled imagination? The thoughts stack up. The pressure rises.

And then, in a moment, you see it, and your doubt ceases like Jesus calming a stormy sea. You see your best friend falling in love. You see your sister and her beautiful child playing on a playground last summer, you see your parents resting after working long hours and then you see the home they deserve. A home where they feel safe, and are free to express themselves, a home where they don’t have to worry about intruders terrorizing their peace of mind.

Because in this moment, you know it was never about you or what you wanted. This is about them, it always was and always will be. This is about what you believe in, and it matters. It matters more than any doubt or fear, and tips the scale in your favor every time.

There are evil things in this world who fight without cause, they only value destruction. Those who fight for evil have no bravery, bravery has it’s base in love and goodness. So to challenge even the most vile of villains, would put you in the winning hand. It wasn’t the stone that defeated goliath, but the energy exuding from David that took down the giant.

Bilbo Baggins, in the Hobbit, watching his friend taking on an Orc, about to be beheaded, ran forward killing an Orc. His motivation was protecting his friend, which I believe is why he was successful. His friend was unsuccessful because his motivation was revenge.

Perhaps it is our reasons for doing something that determines wether we are successful or fail. Whether the odds or stacked against or for us, we can always trust that bravery and kinship is what will lead us to where we belong.

And this, this is who you are.

The Potters Hands

Every thought is like the motion of a hand on a potters wheel making our minds into something we chose. Some thoughts lead us to being a dagger, others become a vase. Nevertheless, we all become vessels for works. Some of us will hold flowers for others to smell, some of us will become cups for others to drink from and some will become weapons to do harm. Thoughts are powerful, they create us into who we are. So if you want to do something different, and take on a new form, change your thoughts.