A heavy head hanging low led to the hands of millions clapping. Doors closing led to walls falling away to a brighter field filled with wild flowers that could never be contained to inside a building. A lover that let you down led to a love that could never let you go. A mistake helped you understand how you were made. A million wrong steps lead to to the right path. A genuine soul living will always walk through storms but as the skies clear, you always end up where you are genuinely meant to be.
“Don’t you think it’ll be dangerous?” My mother asked me.
“Of course not. I’m going to hear these people’s stories, to listen. Most of these people are narcissist, they’ll love it.” I try to calm her relentless overthinking. Most of the people in my life have become accustom to my wild life style choices but this one takes the cake. Walking around the kitchen, I gather my paper that I was working on all night and organize them into my brown leather briefcase. Before my first interview I allowed my family to come over my house for breakfast. I tried to block out their worry filled questions and side eyed glances from my nit picking cousins but my decision was made.
“So tell me again how this came about?” My father asked. I was prepping, while cleaning up dishes as he asked me. This I didn’t mind. I believed in what I was doing and if they wanted to understand, I would answer any question they had.
“I was turned down for the New York Times because I hadn’t proven myself to be a compelling journalist. They told me to try something come back to them and they would reconsider but I needed to show them my voice and what I would bring to the table.” I told him.
“And how did your mind discover this idea?”
“I was watching a fairytale and I wondered about villains. I felt pity for their inevitable demise and wondered if anyone had ever sat down the evil forces in this world to get the truth out of them and why they do what they do. The people I have sent letters out to all understand what I am offering. I have a location, an assistant, a camera and notebook. I’ll be fine.” I reassure him.
I kissed everyone on the cheek. In two minutes, I was out the door and in my car driving to a remote location with a pop up interview room. To my surprise, my first interviewee contacted me first. It was a shock, but the man had promised he was someone I wanted to interview. I agreed by the eloquence of his writing alone. I knew this man had something to say to me.
The car drove up to the remote room and I could hear the gravel turning beneath my tires. Everything about this experience was frightening and exciting at the same time. My success or failure resides in this one interview. I prayed God sent me a human being worth capturing the attention of millions and securing me a job in the field I love. I walked out of my car and met my assistant carrying my coffee.
“Is he here yet?” I ask Brian as he hand me my coffee.
“Not yet. But everything is ready to go.” He clarifies.
“Great. I’m going to go get warmed up.”
“Okay. And you said you don’t know who the man is?” Brian asks.
“No he just told me that he has a lot to say about what the world wants to know.”
Brian shrugs and waits outside for my mystery interviewee.
Five minutes later, a battered old jeep drives up and plump older man jumps out. He walks with a peculiar energy that propels his old and large body forward. I see it out of the corner of the window and wonder who the man might be. Brian shakes his hand and leads him into the interview room. I rise and shake his hand.
“Thank you so much for meeting me here today, Sir. I’m so grateful.” I tell him.
“The pleasure is all mine.” He says in a thick accent. My mind recognizes the tone of his voice but I still don’t know who this man is.
I lead him to sit down with me in the room filled with lights, a video camera and a notepad for me. We settle in, I offer him water and we begin.
“Welcome. You are here today because you believe you have done something wrong in life. You believe your actions were inexcusable and harmful to other human beings. The reason why you are here talking to me is because I put out a message offering an interview filled with patient understanding, empathy and compassion. I do this not only to extend a chance for you to explain your wrong doing in a safe place but also for me to expand my heart and mind and see how strong the qualities I believe I posses are. Is that clear to you?”
“Yes ma’am that is clear.” He agrees and I swear his identity is on the tip of my tongue.
“Now in the safety of this room, my assistant and I, would you please state your name and what you have done?”
“Yes. My Name is Adolf Hitler and I have been hiding in various locations after murdering eleven million people and abusing my country and her people by manipulating them into hatred and fear to do my will.”
“Hitler died years ago, his most recent remains, his teeth confirmed it.” I tell him. My assistant and I makes eyes to one another.
The old man looks at me, reaches into his mouth and pulls out his fake set of teeth and puts them back in.
“I sent them to Russia myself.” He says gruffly.
“I’m sorry but if you really were Hitler then why are you doing this interview? Your security will be gone after this. I’ll publish it and sell this video to a television network.”
“When I am done, I will get in my car and leave. You promised, and we have a signed contract that whoever I was and whatever I revealed would not be turned in. That was part of the experience for you, to set someone free for doing something horrific. You want to learn to be like God, ya? You want to know what forgiveness is like?”
“I’m still not convinced.” I tell him.
“Your name is Rose Schmidt. Your grandfather was Albert Schmidt the third. Correct? He was an international lawyer and undercover agent for the united nations. I killed him in Poland. I sent him to a concentration camp and gave orders to kill him first.”
“That’s still researchable, and you could be making up that story.”
“Yes I could. But the only thing I could not make up is what he gave your grandmother before he left for Poland.”
“You know what he gave her?” I ask skeptical, how could he know?
“All Jews were told to surrender jewels and riches they were not worthy of. I knew your grandfather had a great deal of money and it was on record he bought something from a jewelry store. It was carved by a great artist with amazing craftsmanship. A hair accessory in the shape of a butterfly, with light blue tinted diamonds. Apparently your grandmother was a very free spirited woman. I know you know what I am talking about because it must have been in your family photos. I wanted it to give to my fiance but your grandmother had already fled to America. And now you wear it in your hair.” He points to the top of my head where the butterfly sits.
It really was him. I thought about my family what it would mean to them to set this man free. I thought about my future how bright it would be to have given the world a expose with Hitler. Then I thought about what it would mean to myself to be able to listen to this persons story. What compassion I would be possessed of. As I looked into his beety dark eyes, I knew that revenge wasn’t my m.o. and I settled in to listen to one of the stories of my lifetime.
Love is messy, because hate doesn’t have any room for anything else. Hate doesn’t have any room for flaw or error because it demands perfection. If you hate someone it’s because they embody something you don’t approve of, stepped off the beaten path or hurt you. Real things are messy, they’re different and they don’t obey your perception of “right”. What I have learned is there is no real right or wrong, good guys or bad guys. I believe in love and love covers everything. It covers any fear, difference and short coming. Hate couldn’t cover anything, it’s cold and rigid with no room for any kind of error. Hate has the potential to control but only through fear. Love influences through hope. Hate is a state of mind which emotions follow but they always lead to hollowness, because hate in itself is hollow. Love is also a state of mind, that emotions follow through. This gate will give you every good emotion, richer and fuller.
The America I love I saw today. I recently moved to a new home in a suburb. As I was running I saw an Indian family outside their home commenting on their front yard flowers. I said good morning and went on my way. I also ran by other families of other races as well. Some of these people came from beautiful countries. Why would anyone move to this plain Jane of a town? Freedom, and the space to thrive as a family with love. As I walked by every house, I saw a family having the home and space they need to live freely. It warmed my heart. Everyone deserves a happy, healthy home. America does have beautiful landscapes but that isn’t what people come here for. They come here for the spirit of America that hums beneath the earth. That no terrorist could ever erase. They come here for their families, for the love they have that they want to be in the best environment possible. Other countries are amazing for their own reasons but I love America because I believe it is a land of diversity flourishing together. I think we lost our way a little bit, but our true nature is still here and I know America will be true to herself again.
Never do anything out of loneliness to cure your loneliness. Instead embrace it, let yourself fill to the top with the feeling of being completely and utterly alone. Then, get very familiar with yourself. Figure out what you do and do not like. Most importantly find out what you like to do and what you like to create. Learn about these things and make them a priority to be worked on. Then, in the magical lonely hours, with no distraction from another living soul, create that something. Create the something you daydream about. Create what you wish you could tell your family “look, look this what i did”. That thing you would love to do so much but at the same time fills you with fear that makes your vision seem unattainable. Loneliness is not a curse or a reflection of you, it is a God- given opportunity to have a vision and run after it. To give you valuable time and space away from family, friends and relationships that you need to focus.
Sometimes when were lonely we try to cure it. We jump on our phones and text away, making plans, talking to friends and so on. Maybe some go on social media but I’m warning you do not go on social media when you are lonely, it will make it worse. There was a time once I was so lonely and i had been single for a while that i just wanted somebody with me. There was this really cute boy who id always running into all over town and we would flirt a little but not much ever happened. Three hours would go by and i would forget i even saw him that day because he was cute, but not the one. It wouldn’t work out anyways because we had completely different beliefs and wanted two separate things out of life. But as i sat in my living room at 9 o clock at night alone I thought to myself “maybe ill message him to talk” that would be fun, right?
Then the voice inside me started talking. You know that would start something you don’t want, you don’t really like him that much, you’re just bored and doing this out of loneliness isn’t how you want your story to begin with someone. Is sat and thought about it. You’re right. No matter what happened i would always know that i was never really into the guy just bored and lonely and decided to give him a chance to distract me from the loneliness.
Then i got up pulled open my laptop and began writing, it came slowly at first, then all of the sudden, i was typing away one short story after the next. I worked on my vocal range and began to paint. Over the next couple days i became extremely involved with, running, singing, writing, traveling, stargazing and so much more. Then over the next couple weeks i started to vibe with other people like me and those who had admired what i was doing with my life. So maybe lonely is a time we all need to go through to know who we are, what we like and what we do. So when its times for you to meet that person you’re story wont start off “well i was really bored one night in my living room so i messaged him on Facebook….” but instead “i was at the overlook taking pictures of the sunset and writing in my notebook at the same time and this man was doing the same thing next to me and we bumped into each other and got to talking…” and you both will have so much to talk about because you became a complete person on you’re own with likes, dislikes and most importantly, a vision. A vision of what you want to become, a vision of what you want to do, a vision of what you want to accomplish, a creative vision of what you want to create and give back to everyone. Only then will you honestly meet someone you can honestly be with in a serious committed relationship that is true, that is honest and that is genuine.
I always wanted legs, I never knew that meant leaving the ocean. A war of my past and my future collide and I have to decide. You can’t have fins and legs forever. I am either human or not. A word to the living from the depths of my soul echo out in shining sparkles on the tops of the blue waters. It is a word not used often but my heart beats it now. From behind the rocks, I watch as people marvel at the water and say how pretty it is. I see a young couple in love, and he’s handsome. She’s gorgeous. They look so happy together playing in the water my words have made. Seeing, is good but feeling is greater. The truth is I never wanted to destroy these things the way I am designed to. I want to be a part of it. I have seen all the wonders of the deepest oceans and nothing compares to the way these two are looking at each other. Something I have always wanted. A siren is allowed to become human by walking onto land, but once you do, you can’t go back. You forfeit your home land, your community and everything you love about what you see around you to maybe experience love. Behind the rocks, I watch them and my beating heart and stinging eyes tell me I want this, I always will. My tail is glistening in the sun, and even my scales are cheering me on. Miles away, I see the wreckage I came from and I know it’s time to leave. I lift my arm to grab onto a rock and pull myself up. I feel the sun on my stomach. My tail is warm. I lift myself up higher and pull myself over to the sand. Where the sand meets the sun is where I become human. Like magic my tail separates and I am given legs and I fall onto my face. Never have I been so happy, pulling up my new feet, knees, and thighs, I jump and fall so happy to be human. From out of my curls I look out to see a voice speaking to me. It is a man and he is offering me a towel, because I’m naked on the beach
Greatness comes at a price my father told me. I never knew how willing I would be to pay even though it hurt me the most. Like, right now. Right now it hurts the most. I grew up in Egypt with all the other children. I became a part of so many lives here, and now I have to leave. I live on the outskirt of Egypt, the land I am from, that I am traveling back to. You see, my powers are getting to strong and people are starting to notice. They don’t like the way I’m dressing now a days. Or who I am speaking with. They say my magic is dark, but I know that it is light.
I learn what I can here, but my real teachers are in Egypt. They’ve offered to teach me anything I want. They’re is so much I want to do. The part that makes me sad, is how much I wanted to use this magic to help this town. To give them a good harvest and safe keeping from dark spirits.
I did this for them, but maybe it’s time to do it for me, and see what I can do.
There is nothing left for me here and I am tired of being empty handed. So I travel to the land that made promises to me and hope with all my heart, one day you’ll see.